Just how to Have Lesbian Gender The Very First Time | Autostraddle

How will you have lesbian intercourse? We become expected this concern everyday from lesbians of various age groups that haven’t had lesbian gender and are stressed they don’t really understand “how.” Well, pay attention: appreciating sex isn’t really about memorizing 16 jobs or understanding the greatest direction to bang from, taking pleasure in lesbian gender is actually half-animal half-heart and simply seldom provides it had gotten anything to perform along with your logical mind, or intellectual thought, or something you could show or whatever you could continue reading the world-wide-web.

And even though it’s correct that one day you’re going to be more confident and seasoned than you are now, additionally, it is true that yourself was given birth to understanding how for intercourse adore it came into this world understanding how to consume. Your first time doesn’t always have become an issue, some of us you shouldn’t also recall all of our first occasions. Alternately, if you would like that it is a problem, it could be. But fundamentally every spouse is different — entirely, totally, entirely various — from subsequent.
Just what could we show, really

Nevertheless — likewise, most of us recall a period of time when lesbian sex felt like fumbling, or improv, attempting to perform a hobby we don’t understand, like badminton. Or a hobby every person thought you should be proficient at but we weren’t. At the same time, others remember moving into sleep and instinctually knowing what to-do from the moment of entryway. Many folks had gender with men inside our kids and don’t bang a female ‘til our very own mid-to-late-twenties, and felt like rookies all over again. So we can understand how you might feel some better-knowing something before taking the dive.

Ladies’ sex, aside from queer sex, is normally disregarded by sex ed products. Although a lot of heteros read about intercourse together inside their very early adolescents, numerous lesbians cannot start that early and/or aren’t fellow socialized into the intimate universe like straights are, and undoubtedly which our entire media society is actually structured around and obsessed with heterosexual intercourse.

So we’re gonna go back to essentials. However, once we compose this article, our company is a little concerned that people don’t have any drilling idea what we’re making reference to. We hope to start a dialogue for

commenters to generally share their tales and encounters as well as for everybody to ask concerns!


This post (originally printed in 2010 and largely unaltered from that period) concentrates on lesbian sex between cisgender ladies, although can be mostly appropriate to sex between any a couple with vulvas, and filled up with fantastic advice about anyone having sexual intercourse with somebody who has a vulva. The vocabulary on this page, unlike nearly all our intercourse material, reflects that largely for Search Engine Optimization purposes. However, trans women can be females and most undoubtedly have actually lesbian intercourse, and study some of our a lot of tips on that within these articles:
Ideas On How To Have Lesbian Intercourse With A Trans Lady
F*cking Trans ladies
Harnesses for Trans Ladies

Pre-Game Your Lesbian Intercourse


When you yourself have a vulva therefore wanna learn how to create a person with a vulva feel great, there is the benefit of making use of your self for an examination subject — not too what pleases you may kindly your partner, but it’s a-start. Most likely your showerhead have already been alert to this since childhood, but if you’re fresh to genital stimulation or not used to orgasming, here’s
ideas on how to masturbate like a champ.
While you are at it,
listed here is how-to buy a vibrator

Becoming a skilled masturbator can help you end up being a fruitful partner more than anything else you could ever before do, previously. You won’t just know-how your lover can kindly you, but you will involve some thought of just how to kindly all of them.

Added Bonus:

Touching yourself with your trousers and underwear on (you can unzip your jeans, but try not to draw them down) might be very good rehearse for the time to

Twilight Total Eclipse Of the Sun



If you are turned on, you might feel hot or flushed. Your erect nipples will have erect, your own clitoris and vulva will swell due to enhanced blood supply. In your body, the top the pussy will develop.


Browse your own insides. The outside of everybody’s vulva is a fresh continent, but the insides are fairly much like the other person, so it’s an excellent sneak peek when you yourself have one.


If you’ve got one, have a look at the vadge inside mirror. I am aware you are going to peruse this and imagine “OH MY GOD I’D NEVER” and not take action. Get over yourself. Put
a fucking mirror
between your legs and look for your crap!

Understand Your Own Vaginal Circumstances, For Those Who Have One

Very first things very first: people typically make use of the phase “vagina” when talking about the feminine genital region, which in fact isn’t really proper. Ideal phase for the outside genital area is actually “vulva.” The snatch is within you, linking the vulva toward cervix. Here Is
the post from Teen Vogue that gets into all the details about structure

Now that you’re seated right here with your mirror, let’s discuss the structure of a cisgender woman’s vulva.


Your own clit consists of the glans/head (many painful and sensitive part with 6,000-8,000 neurological endings), the bonnet (which drapes across the glans) as well as the shaft (and that’s typically 1.9 cm long). Some clits are bigger than other people, and just about all women can orgasm from clitoral arousal.

Labia Majora:

Them be your “pussy mouth.” After That,
the labia minora
include asymmetrical fragile retracts of softy spongy erecticle structure within labia majora. Some labia minoras increase at night majoras several tend to be put away internally. The length/shape of labia minora/majoras could be the first place in which you’ll notice that
all women’s pussy appears unique of another’s


: the vaginal entrance is below your own clitoris and urethral opening (aka in which the pee comes out). Genital muscle is flexible, you’ve probably heard that children emerge from it and fists may go in it. A good many neurological endings are located in the external third with the vagina (this means: don’t get worried about having tiny fingers, it is nbd).

so many different vulvas included within this snatch artwork by jamie mccatney


Put a fist in your snatch. Now create a “come-hither” movement towards forward wall surface of the pussy. Would you feel that area with a texture unlike all the rest of it’s surface? It really is a sponge towards size of a bean that fills with blood during arousal, straight before your uterus. Some females find g-spot pleasure also intense, some detest it, some like it, some can orgasm from this, and a few can female ejaculate as a result.



The level region amongst the pudendal cleft therefore the rectum. Some women select this particular area intimately sensitive and painful. Slangily also known as “the taint” ‘cause it isn’t the genitals and it ain’t the arse.

Grooming for Lesbian Intercourse


You certainly can do literally anything you want together with your tresses, although the removal of it totally
enables you to at risk of bacterial infections
and it will be really itchy! Here’s
some research in your tresses treatment routines

Pointers if you are going to remove some locks:

  • If you have the money and time, hair laser removal is the better way to get rid of your hair in that area when it comes to long-lasting. It’s typically said that laser hair removal works more effectively on less heavy skin hues, but
    thankfully that is altering
  • For many people, waxing will be the best/cheapest way to “cleanup” without ingrowns. Based your skin tone and sensitiveness, waxing may turn your skin layer an attractive color of crimson for every day, therefore itinerary properly. We highly recommend setting it up accomplished by a specialist, however if you wanna DIY, Sally Hansen’s are
    inexpensive and simple for beginners
    and therefore is it package from
  • If you should be shaving, you could get mad severe razor burn which sometimes appears to be a lot of yellow lumps all around your neighborhood.
    Bikini area shall help you with this
  • If you shave a day or two before setting up, anyone who decreases you will feel just like they truly are staying their unique face into a sheet of sandpaper.


Be sure that nails tend to be because short as it can and smoothly filed. If you have lengthy fingernails or acrylics,
here is just how to have sex safely without sacrificing them
. Maintaining your hands mega-extra-super-duper-clean is key. Get involved in it extra-safe by employing some handy
exudate or nitrile gloves


All of you, your own snatch smells perfect simply the means truly! Dont douche or elsewhere make an effort to infuse your snatch with industries of marigolds. It has a stronger smell for those who haven’t showered or have gotten really flushed, that is certainly great. (Sidenote: the lingering scent of this lady in your disposal = miracle). But should your pussy smells thus pungently fishy your companion can smell it within jeans from throughout the space,
you might have BV
and may
get see a gynecologist

Performing The Lesbian Intercourse

To be honest, we kinda do not want one to read this. We desire you to need to find it yourself, like we performed! All of you, it really is very fun therefore get to be nude or half-naked with another lady! Appropriate?! Sex will be most readily useful as soon as you quit thinking and try to let your system imagine available!

There are also at the very least 1,000 sex ideas we could present for the remainder of the sex-life, but these days we’re gonna stay very






Simply ‘cause you’re both girls does not mean exactly what feels very good for your requirements will feel great to the lady. Both of you can show what exactly is operating and what’sn’t through words, sounds, or physical response. Do not be embarrassed to inquire of questions or volunteer that which you fancy. It’s like the Hot/Cold video game, but nude and a lot more slick! Stating “what do you realy like” is completely anything we carry out. So is actually laughing.
We advice countless chuckling

Lesbian Gender Foreplay

There is a large number of situations taking place in the torso region for both of you to understand more about, like BOOBS and ears, and using those parts of the body is fun AND a good way to get lubed right up before every method of immediate genital contact occurs (if that is what you would like). People can orgasm from pleasure of additional areas of the body besides the vadge, as well. (whether it’s the or your lover’s very first time being penetrated, you shouldn’t select the
jackhammer shag within five full minutes of your own very first tongue hug, simplicity into that shit!)

Manual Clitoral Pleasure

This is an excellent place to start. Fairly self-explanatory. Once more, some people will require the hand in order to become a dildo and a few will only want to be moved with intense delicacy. Discover by asking!

Oral sex is so awesome
which practically is like cheating. Like happened to be mouths designed to get here, or is that one thing humanity determined naturally? Per always, err on the side of painful and sensitive. This may either be “teasing” or “how she wants it,” according to the girl. This can also be paired with fucking/g-spot pleasure, but we’re starting quick now, thus, once again, enjoy it. Occasionally when you have body image issues, becoming eaten down can make you feel truly exposed. Therefore shut your own vision, all things are ok. Also remember to
rehearse safer gender with dental care dams


When in doubt, begin slow/soft/delicate and create doing because fast/hard as she wishes it. Verify she’s moist before trying penetration —
lubricant is a good strategy to repeat this
. Then:

+ Start with the index little finger within slightly, immediately after which entirely in and then pull in an additional fist if she wants. (subsequently a third if she wants, etc etc) You shouldn’t get too fast, give her time to answer.

+ Pay attention to where the some other hands are! If you have your index/middle hands inside their, is the thumbnail looking into her interior leg? Look at the crap.

+ Some females should not be penetrated many different explanations, including discomfort, gender identification or sex expression,
and/or a preference for a specific intimate role
(like in “we screw you, you never shag me personally.”) If that’s you and your spouse will get in this location, politely move the woman hand and tell the girl the place you do want to be handled (or you’d quite touch the woman).


Today, inserting your own hand down her jeans or over her canal may be very first instinct, or even it’s that which you’ve observed on

The L Word

, but that is singular many magical ways free girls fucked some other women. There are 365 ways to fundamentally dried out hump (you


keep your undies on for this, it can be much easier, but kindly perform remove your clothing, for the reason that it’s more pleasurable). You can essentially rub on any element of the woman human anatomy or scrub vadge-to-vadge pretty much for the rest of your lifetime.

A Lot More Resources For Great Lesbian Intercourse:

The Greater You Are Sure That

  • CANNOT TRY NOT TO compare parts of the body

    . Compliments are excellent! But forgo the urge to provide an evaluation of your personal components onto your go with regarding her components. ‘Your [part] is really alot more [way of being] than mine! Waaah.’ = NO.
  • In case you are handling non-gender-conforming people this may be’s best to ask before setting up what exactly is okay and what isn’t. Same for coping with gender conforming people!
  • You may have the right feeling safe and comfy, therefore
    is key so is
    better sex
    — please get a check-up and talk to your lover about any STIs you or she have before leaping into sleep.
  • Whether you are 16 or 36, you are not “BEHIND.” Considering the patriarchy, it’ll take you about 15 seconds to get information regarding the typical age of which heterosexual gents and ladies shed their particular V-Cards (16-17), but no these investigation is available for lesbians so far as we can tell. Therefore we’ve accomplished a laid-back survey of group Autostraddle, basically an undesirable trial populace because all of us are under 35 and obviously “out” adequate to end up being


    Group Autostraddle therefore, we imagine, probably a lot more sexually knowledgeable compared to typical lesbian bear. Despite, by age and year of “virginity reduction”:

Among the completely non-representative trial sized queer women, the common get older for “our first-time” is actually 19.4.

Relevant Databases

Parts of the body which can be erogenous OR no-fly areas:

+ ears

+ throat

+ nipples

+ internal legs

+ feet

+ arms

+ butt

+ small of this back

People Perform several Individuals Don’t:

+ desire to be penetrated

+ orgasm from penetration

+ ejaculate

+ include sex toys into sex

+ enjoy g-spot arousal

+ need manual clitorial arousal to climax

+ prefer clitorial stimulation AND genital entrance to climax

+ appreciate anal penetration or
butt plugs
ingesting ass

+ usage

+ climax whatsoever

+ recognize as

+ fantasize during intercourse

+ determine as either a ”
” or a ”

+ determine as either “butch” or “femme”

+ wish to be nude during sex

+ desire the lights on while having sex

+ enjoy it rough

have actually an STI

+ want to

Items That Could Happen Your First Some Time And Include Absolutely Fine:

and actually drenching your whole sleep (it’s not urine, we promise) (additionally, its amazing)

+ Farting or queefing

+ unintentionally cutting/lacerating the snatch (
this occurs to old advantages, as well
) (

+ maybe not orgasming

+ not-being

Getting hurt

+ Tensing right up while pentrated

+ Bleeding

+ Bleeding from hymen-breakage

+ Post-sex UTIs or yeast conditions

+ Taking 30+ moments to climax

+ Your arm acquiring exhausted

+ Crying

+ Chuckling

+ Thoughts

+ No emotions

+ Not feeling like the whole world altered

+ Feeling just like the entire world altered

+ experiencing as you’re on a new level of intimacy together with your partner

+ Not taking pleasure in it

Try not to be also goal-oriented. Lots of people don’t come initially — many people you should not arrive regularly during sex anyway! If neither of you do, there is gonna be a moment in time once you feel you are accomplished anyway, like the encounter has ended, and therefore might feel odd, but it is not odd, it happens. End when you’d stop any actually exhausting task — whenever you you should not feel like it anymore. Simply laugh and perhaps remain nude and hug and talk. Cuddle! Lesbians want to cuddle. Or ask the girl to exhibit you how she will get herself off and the other way around — common masturbation is an excellent back-up arrange for whenever you both wish arrive but are unable to appear to obtain it this time. And yes it’s hot to watch and watch exactly what she really does to by herself!

the afterglow




The Lesbian Sex Bible

More techniques and advice for lesbian, bisexual and queer women that gets near this issue with wit and irreverence.

Susie Sexpert’s Lesbian Sex World

: The cover of your book is really so unusual and 90s, but you can download it for $2.99 from Amazon and it’s really — it is simply FUN. Its extremely sex-positive and warrants in order to become a cult classic for the lesbian publication globe beginning today.


Your whole Lesbian Gender Book: A Passionate Guide for All of Us

, by Felice Newman: The standard. Buy it, learn it, live it, love it.


Lesbian Sex: 101 Lovemaking Positions

: we guess you do not know any single thing concerning the Joyride, tongue-and-groove, Toast Her, Gilding the Lily, Peach Gobbler, Hanky Spanky, lady Wrap or Velvet Rope, do ya? Well you could change that.


Moving away from: A Woman’s Guide to Masturbation

: From sex writer and masturbation expert Jayme Waxman.


Your body, Ourselves: A Fresh Edition for a fresh Age

: Get in touch with your own womynhood.


The fresh Lesbian Intercourse Book, 3rd Edition

: Interviews with REAL LIVE LESBIANS regarding their sex physical lives, has the influence of reminding you that there’s many lesbians available having sex and it’s really not merely both you and your partner(s) inside teeny little town by the sea.


Healing Intercourse: A Mind-Body Approach to Treatment Sexual Shock

: “the initial encouraging, sex-positive tips guide for every females survivors of intimate assault — heterosexual, bisexual, lesbian, combined, and solitary — who wish to recover their own gender physical lives.”

Web Sites:


Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

“Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross are two intergenerational intercourse positive feminists whose dialogue on sex and feminism entertains and educates while delving inside Politics of Women’s Sexuality.” Includes
a library of “how-to” films
for a variety of intimate functions, including “first-time lesbian sex.”


The-Clitoris Dot Com

“anything you actually desired to {know about|learn about|find out about|un